it wasn't lemon gatorade
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
