wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
