and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
