some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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