So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
