last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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