3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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