im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We need a shit load of segways right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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