I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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