that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
