; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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