Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
