when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
