you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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