we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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