to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
