Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
