Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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