u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The best revenge is premature balding
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
