Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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