filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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