Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
