Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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