I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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