I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
