wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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