Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
