His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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