How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
