He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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