and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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