at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
