but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
