A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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