we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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