IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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