Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
