I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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