So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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