i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
