The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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