Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Randomize
