i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
