she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
