Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
