i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
