Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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