I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
