I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
