So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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