hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
