Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something