I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
