Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
