omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Send help, water and tortillas.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
