i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
