Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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