If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
