You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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