i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
