considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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