All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
