Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
