Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
