We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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