It's like God shit irony all over that family
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
