Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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