She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
